#many years trials and tribulations later they still are lmao

[shcmbles]

what’s that scent? the smell of FIZZLING PEACH KOMBUCHA & SUNSCREEN, which would explain the appearance of ZIGMUND KARAVADRA. continental records indicate they are known as ALBATROSS, a TWENTY-EIGHT year old ASSOCIATE. they have the unique ability of CONSCIOUSNESS MANIPULATION. they were specifically selected for enrollment for the “THE ENLIGHTENMENT”, where they TORTURED SEVERAL OFFICERS WITH THEIR POWERS TO EXTRACT SENSITIVE INFORMATION. they can be CRUEL and SELF-RIGHTEOUS, but also OBSERVANT and RESOURCEFUL. we wish them well in their business to come.

                  •   •   •

         about page  /   powers page

𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙔 ——

cw: police, injury, racism, torture

zigmund  — sorry, Zig — grew up in a low-income neighborhood to a family of Gujarti immigrants. seeking opportunities that they never thought were possible, the karavadras endured great financial hardships. and yet through all their trials and tribulations of having their very own mom-and-pops grocery store, the two parents of the family were hopeful that their two children would one day be able to make a new for themselves. as the younger child, Zig was the definition of a rebel. he loathed following in his sister’s footsteps, and despised the motions of school and working at their store. instead, he sought to forge his own path. whatever that would be... well, one day, he’d find it out. anything to avoid being home.

you see, for Zig, being at home could be described as stressful. sure, father always had fresh eggs and dhokla on the table every breakfast, mother always obsessively cleaning over their apartment. surely, a home so lively couldn’t have problems. but there was one thing Zig could do that nobody else knew about. for some unexplainable reason, he could sense a great deal of emotional pain from his parents. as he’d later learn, their financial situation was dire. barely making it day-to-day, week-to-week. and there was nothing he could do but feel a great deal of psychic pain at night, emanating intensely from his parent’s bedroom.

and, well, of course, they always denied it. said everything was fine. maybe once in a blue moon said that they needed to save money. but they always reassured Zig that everything was going to be okay. deep down, Zig knew that wasn’t the truth. for awhile, it’s just a feeling that eats away at him, but they are just thoughts floating around in his head. and nothing more. Zig can’t possibly justify why he senses that, or knows that the family is in great financial pain.

and then, one day, his father gets injured. there is no explanation as to what it is, only he is covered in blood and bruises, and hospitalized. and that — well, it overwhelms Zig. he knows he needs his space away from the family, but even his sister resigns her studies to make ends meet for her father and take care of him. Zig bites the bullet and does the same. he becomes his father’s caretaker, vowing to make sure that he will never be hurt. and yet, for the family, the psychic trauma would never go away. every day his first look at his father pains him in a way he can’t explain. the house is in disarray, the counters peppered with newspapers and medical bills.

deep down, Zig begins harboring a resentment towards whoever hurt his father. he doesn’t know who they are, or what happened. and grudgingly, his father refuses to tell him. the old man tells him that it’s better he not know, that he have faith in their new country. but to Zig... well, that’s a bunch of bullshit. and so he concentrates, one night, and manages to probe what he discovers later is his father’s consciousness. what he finds... angers him. a bunch of assholes, attacking his father, spewing hateful words. and officers just stand there, grinning, doing nothing. and Zig is pissed.

to know that even the law would not protect his father, that such hate could exist. it makes his blood boil. and so he takes matter into his own hands. nervous as he is, anxious as it plagues his mind, Zig does what he can to track these fuckers down. and, well, he’s put in the same situation as his father. the same assholes, in corroboration with law enforcement, corner him. and just when Zig thinks it is over for him to, his powers snap. before him, everyone around him drops down like cold, limp bodies. only he knows they are alive. Zig can see their consciousnesses, floating in midair, like ghosts. but he has won. and so he leaves

though the perpetrators had been taken down, his blood still boils at night. to see his father, a kind and gentle man, in so much pain. fuck. it angers and unsettles him. and so he concentrates on developing his newfound powers. and when he’s content with where he’s at, he seeks those same assholes out. and this time, with a wide smirk on his face and veins prominent in his neck, he steals their consciousnesses. and imprisons them in his article of clothing at the time. a feathered coat.

and there starts the infamy of the terror known as albatross. a feather coated individual who fears nobody. at first, he’s a neighborhood criminal, known for his cruelty. swapping bodies of officers with each other and random objects for his amusement, stealing parts of their consciousnesses, and toying with his meat in whatever has them begging to be left alone. and yet none of that scratches the itch caused by his father’s pain. there is one thing that he doesn’t have. protection. Zig knows he’s not that strong, truthfully. tricks and games he can play, but too many close encounters have left him needing more. and so, when the day comes that his father is finally okay, he decides to leave town. to seek out the place known as the Continental, told to him by rogue connections he’s garnered.

𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙊𝙉𝙎 ——

is extremely overconfident in his abilities and will usually just walk into any situation with an evil grin. which, lmao, most of the time he overestimates just how strong his foes can be which spells a lot of trouble for him. in general he’s very reckless and proud of it.

has fractured his consciousness, and imbues fragments of it into bird things. puppets, plushes, paper cranes, and much more. these are often seen accompanying him, floating or perched upon his shoulder. additionally, his feathered coat is imbued with stolen fragments of consciousnesses that he’s amassed over the years.

can be extremely flirty and yet is afraid of getting close to anyone because a. the thought of someone opening up to him and sharing their pain scares him and b. the more he gets to know someone the more they can resist his power

anyone he considers family, though, he’ll fight to the death for and beat up your bullies. claim something of yours is stolen, and he’ll be right there to ask for a time to steal something back. though he hates showing it, he deeply cares about people and hates injustice. 

is largely uninterested in most jobs and mostly takes them for his amusement nowadays. though he’s a criminal, his favorite jobs are taking down people in power.

[laurelnose]

for my own purposes: a series of chemistry notes on adapting the ingredients for the post-Industrial Revolution process of clearing and staining for a medieval universe:

DISTILLED WATER: i don’t know why i thought this was a later process but we’ve been distilling water for forever, lmao

95% ETHYL ALCOHOL: high-proof alcohols are very canon

“CLEARING” AGENT: these days we use trypsin, and while maybe magic could make isolating a digestive enzyme from the pancreas and processing it into a shelf-stable powder in the middle ages plausible MY suspension of disbelief would sure be broken. prior to widespread use of trypsin you could use caustic potash (KOH) or lye (NaOH) for tissue maceration instead. using lye probably has adverse effects on the success rates (there’s a reason we use trypsin and even so, you still get a lot of disintegrated specimens—lye is probably worse but again the actual numbers for how many specimens just straight-up melt do not exist, so who fucking knows) but it would be very possible. KOH is used in conjunction with trypsin today and has been used on its own in the past; it’s slightly on the modern side compared to lye but it’s actually really easy to make—slaked lime (dates at least to 1600s) + regular potash (K2O3, produced in Temeria in Season of Storms) precipitates CaCO3 & produces KOH in solution, you just have to filter out the carbonate.

BONE STAIN (ALIZARIN RED S): alizarin is one of two red dyes in madder (the other is purpurin). we’ve had madder forever and we’ve been aware of its bone-staining properties since at least the 1500s. technically we only separated alizarin out of madder in the 1800s but regular madder will still stain calcium and i don’t think having purpurin mixed in would affect a specimen since purpurin doesn’t seem to have any particular affinity for tissues, so i can either handwave that they figured out how to isolate alizarin a few hundred years early or say they used madder whole.

CARTILAGE STAIN (ALCIAN BLUE): super difficult and toxic to produce actually. i didn’t know this but it certainly explains why many early (late 1800s/early 1900s) and amateur c+s specimens are only stained with alizarin! methylene blue & toluidine blue can also stain cartilage but they aren’t any easier to produce with pre-industrial techniques. there’s a red and a yellow dye that will bind with cartilage but not only are they similarly difficult to produce, to contrast the bone stain red and yellow are useless. (side note: for some terrestrial species you have to remove the fat properly or alcian blue won’t penetrate & for that the recommended substance is acetone. i do not know how acetone is produced but if i’m not using alcian i don’t have to explain acetone.) verdict: you really could not do cartilage staining pre-industrial revolution, unless you want to make up something involving magic. NERVE STAIN (SUDAN BLACK B): i understand none of the industrial dye words used around this substance. this is probably a no go (i don’t even know if you CAN do nerve stains for full-body (i.e. not histological) specimens other than fish when it seems a lot of terrestrial specimen prep involves manually removing a lot of the flesh?) but i think nerve staining is cool as hell and deserves more attention in all the romanticization of the alizarin/alcian specimens, so, i’m going to keep looking FINAL STORAGE MEDIUM: c+s specimens are basically always stored in glycerol because it matches the refractive index of cleared tissue and makes the flesh appear totally invisible, although you will get some heated arguments about what percent of the solution should be glycerin and what percent regular alcohol. glycerin wasn’t actually discovered until 1779, but it’s a byproduct of soapmaking so technically it would have been pretty accessible. it could perhaps have been isolated earlier if someone was looking; what i’m unsure of is the quality/purity of the glycerin that could be achieved—you really need it to be clear as glass. you CAN just store C+S specimens in EtOH—it doesn’t have as good a refractive index but it will technically work fine, specimens would just be less transparent. on the other hand, the trials and tribulations of working with glycerin are emotionally important to me. further research needed

ANTIBACTERIAL SUBSTANCE (THYMOL): this is derived from plants—specifically, thyme, hence, thymol. it was first isolated in 1719 but i have yet to figure out how that was done historically—today we do some intensive industrial processing to produce it at scale, which isn’t feasible. however, they could just use the plant—poultices of other thymol-containing plants have antiseptic properties even if they’re not pure, & at this stage in the process (i.e. the very end) i think the worst effect of using the plant directly would perhaps be some staining of the storage medium. it would definitely not be ideal in a modern scientific context where we want to control all our chemical variables but i think it would work. however, if i’m not using glycerin it probably isn’t really necessary because its purpose is to prevent stuff from growing in the glycerin and most things do not grow in 95% EtOH.

[nickcam]

          this just in - NICHOLAS “NICK” CAMERON has been in wickway for TWENTY YEARS. apparently HE is a PATROL OFFICER and a CIVILIAN, or so HIS passport says. so far it’s known that HE favors OFF THE HOOK, and resides at ELRY CAY. HE is also said to be DAUNTLESS & RESILIENT, but also EVASIVE & RECKLESS. at the end of the day, HE can be described as THE JINGLE OF KEYS MINGLING WITH LOOSE CHANGE, WARM COLORS OF A SUNRISE GLIMMERING ACROSS CALM WATER & AN OVERWHELMING OBLIGATION TO SERVE AND PROTECT.

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋

FULL NAME.    nicholas jesse cameron.

NICKNAMES.    nick.

AGE & BIRTHDATE.    27 years old ; october 25, 1992.

GENDER & PRONOUNS.    cis male ; he/him.

ORIENTATION.    heterosexual.

MARITAL STATUS.    single / complicated.

RELIGION.    omnist.

OCCUPATION.    patrol officer, specialized in k-9 unit.

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋

HAIR COLOR.    dark blond.

EYE COLOR.    green / hazel.

BUILD.    muscular.

MARKS.    various moles / freckles across his body.

TATTOOS.    sleeve up his left arm.

PIERCINGS.    earlobes ( but he rarely wears anymore ).

HEIGHT.    6'2".

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

ZODIAC.    scorpio.

ALIGNMENT.    chaotic good.

HOGWARTS.    gryffindor.

LABEL.    the golden boy.

POSITIVE TRAITS.    altruistic, dauntless, resilient, tba.

NEGATIVE TRAITS.    evasive, reckless, stubborn, tba.

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

PLACE OF BIRTH.    hayfork, california.

CURRENT RESIDENCE.    wickway, florida.

NATIONALITY.    american.

ETHNICITY.    white.

PARENTS.   richard cameron, deceased, former detective.  cynthia cameron ( nee woodman ), alive, district attorney.

SIBLINGS.    one older brother. one older sister.

BIRTH ORDER.    youngest.

CHILDREN.     nikolas “niko” cameron santoro, two year old son.

PETS.    penny, five year old german shepherd, police dog.

EDUCATION.    wickway high school & atlanta police academy graduate.

LANGUAGES.    english, broken spanish.

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

ONE.    born into a family lineage of cops / detectives / lawyers / etc, the cameron household was always strict but very supportive & loving. nick had always known he’d be a cop from the time he knew what one was ; it’s in his blood. but that didn’t prevent him from going through his own rebellious streaks from time to time, especially as a teenager.

TWO.    sports were a big deal in the cameron household, whether it be watching on tv or attending live games. so nick had been playing a various number of sports since he was a kid, but the two that really stuck were hockey and football, which he was known for through his high school career. if he hadn’t followed in his father’s footsteps, he surely could have been scouted and made a career in the big leagues. now, however, he still plays hockey for fun and for charity events. 

THREE.    as soon as he graduated from high school in wickway, nick packed up and shipped off to georgia where he immediately began his training at the atlanta police academy.  two years after basic training and an evaluation period, he was back in wickway, beginning his career at the station his own father served for almost twenty years. an additional two years in, and nick went back to study an advanced police course to dip his foot into the k-9 unit, where he met and started working on/off with a new recruit who he would later take ownership of ; penny, a german shepherd.

FOUR.    the loss of his father was pretty tragic. it happened almost five years ago, during a call detective cameron was on which turned sour real fast. long story short, it resulted in him being lethally shot. his father and what happened to him is understandably a sore spot for nick.

FIVE    soon after finishing his advanced training, he learned he was going to be a father and nine months later, the apple of his eye was born ; a baby boy who was given the name nikolas, affectionately referred to as niko.

SIX.    while he treats his career seriously, he’s in it for the people of the wickway community. a gentle giant with a heart of gold, nick looks to better people by providing resources or whatever help they may need. however, he’s not by any means a pushover and can get quite stern when need be. above all, he’s extremely loyal to those he holds dear and would lay his life on the line without hesitation in order to protect them.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

PATROL PARTNER.    pls gimme his ride or die buddy !! they most likely went through the police academy together & were partnered up together. could’ve started out being indifferent with each other ?? but after going through some shit and experiencing all the trials & tribulations of being a police officer together, grew extremely close. a sibling - like bond, they’ve always got each others’ backs through thick & thin and are basically a part of each others’ families.

OLDER SIBLINGS.    it’d be cool to have his older bro & sis around ?? basically everything abt them would be utp. they grew up like any other average middle class family with strict but adoring parents.

EX GIRLFRIEND / FLING.    something more recent, like in the last six months ?  it wouldn’t have been super serious ( at least to nick ) & could have ended on a mutual note or not. i’m open to anything !!

REGULAR CLIENTS.    bad boys bad boys... that nick deals with on the regular lmao. this could go so many ways. the obvious: they could detest each other. OR nick could take it upon himself to try to look out for them?? he’s a gentle giant deep down & always tries to be fair, maybe a lil too fair. but he believes in giving chances and giving help / aid / resources where they’re wanted.

ANYTHING ELSE.    literally anything !!!  the wickway world is your oyster and i’m here to provide any connection i can to anyone, so if ya got a lil something up your sleeve that you wanna run by me, chances are i’ll be 110% down.

[komatsunana]

Chronicles of Exandria: The Legend of Vox Machina II

I did this for the first volume, so I bought this artbook right away just to do it again. <3 My Winter’s Crest gift to all the critters.

The art. Once again I cannot overstate the stunning artwork of the critter community. I know some fans balk at the price, but all the artists are paid to have their art in the book - and I think the big price tag is well worth artist getting some compensation for their work (do correct me if I’m wrong). I won’t be sharing any photos of of the art, but most of it is available online already.

However, I will share this photo of the print on the box the book came in:

Excerpt of the Foreward:

“The memories in this book are real. They were created with love and laughter around a table with friends, and let loose on the wind to find what ears would listen.  The joys and pains of every winding turn still occupy our minds daily and if you are reading this, I suspect they live on in yours as well.  We were there.  We witnessed it unfold.” 

Vox Machina was only able to scry on Scanlan once, as seen in the episode Jugs and Rods, but some time after Scanlan warded himself against arcane sight.

The Mantle of the Tempest is described as “eternal autumn leaves.”

Keyleth goes on to rule with wisdom and grace.

Usually the Cobalt Soul has problems researching historical figures for whom there is little written word about...... With Taryon they had the opposite problem: there was too much! lmao. And 90% of it is believed to be embellished or flat out lies.

Nicknames that Taryon gave himself and were never used by anyone ever: “The Winsome Winner of Wildemount,” “Talented Tary,” “Golden-Maned Guardian of Good,” and “The Vindicator.”

Uvenda, the gnome in Vesrah, is still alive!! She’s stepped down as leader now and is the tale-teller of Vesrah.

The Ashari call the kraken that VM fought for Keyleth’s Aremente “Ulugrah the Requisite.”

Uvenda claims that Ulugrah, upon learning that the creatures it had trounced were legendary heroes (I’m assuming they mean Vox Machina), it boasts about it’s victory against them to anyone who will listen any who come to its lair in the Plane of Water.

Tova went by different epithets including: “The Bear,” “Little Half-Ear,” “The Bloody-Handed,” and “The Skin Changer.” After surviving the Hells thanks to Vax’s ring of invisibility, she gained the name “The Unseen Death.”  Little else can be verified about Tova, but none of her friends she went to with Dis survived.

Grey Hunt Lore

Lord Wolf de Rolo and Lady Melanie van Musel de Rolo were the leaders of the 4th reign of Whitestone. It was a political marriage and Melanie was particularly unhappy. She had a garden filled with flora and fauna from her home in Wildemont. The garden is now known as the Widow’s Garden and many of the plants were poisons that she used to slowly assassinate Lord Wolf with.  

After being injured in the Great Whitestone Fire, he couldn’t recover because of the poison and he died leaving Melanie the ruler. She decided to redraw the lines of the city walls, pushing into the Parchwood Timberlands which didn’t go well. Construction was plagued by accidents, animal attacks, and phantoms were reported (such as of Lord Wolf) - though the construction of a Temple of the Dawnfather went unhindered.  

Lady Melanie’s cousin was Ivan van Musel, a cleric, and he declared that Melanie had pissed off the Dawnfather by expanding without showing reverence. Ivan went into the forest after much mediation and was later found battered but alive atop a felled Direwolf.  Ivan had a vision in which the Lawbearer agreed to the expansion no further than where Ivan had felled the Direwolf and that from here on, a citizen of Whitestone must venture into the Parchwood when called to do so and be tested. 

Melanie created the title Grand Master of the Grey Hunt, the third ruling house of Whitestone, for Ivan.  The third house has since forth been in change of the Grey Hunt and managing the city’s relationship with the world beyond the city walls.

Hundreds of gold in property damage during Vox Machina’s stay at Dalen’s Closet while VM “relentlessly pranked” each other.

Whitestone became a thriving metropolis during VM’s year off - in part because of Allura keeping it safe during Thordak’s reign while everywhere else was ravaged.

K’yrrn - the dark elf that kidnapped Taryon - is from Xhorhas!

Though Tary could be called a fool, a braggart, a coward... in the moment he stood against his father’s selfishness and bigotry and forgave and reconciled with him is described as being more valiant than slaying.

Lionel Gayheart had “an unusual case of amnesia.”

JB Trickfoot continued to work in Whitestone’s library and it’s thanks to many of her notes that the Cobalt Soul has as much as they do on Vox Machina.

“Uh, yes, the very first thing I remember about meeting Vox Machina was when the red-haired lady jumped off a mountain.  It was grisly.  But what I’ll remember forever is what happened afterward.  The coin that Lady Vex’ahlia used, the glow of light, the power.  It brought her back to life.  They really were like gods.”

Taryon’s autobiography’s dedication:  “This book is dedicated to Lawrence.  But it is for my family.”

Taryon thinks his father was actually proud of Tary’s Darrington Brigade.

Tary never liked his father, but after returning home Tary began to love him.

Mariya, Tary’s mom, was part of the Brigade and took care of the injured warriors.

Maryanne, Tary’s sister, became the driving force behind the Darrington Fund charity and even gave up her home for those less fortunate than herself.  When she called Tary “brother” it was no longer an insult.

Tary is most proud that his mother finally has a united family, one to be proud of.

Kaylie Shorthalt talks a bit about Lionel - says he was a goofy son of a bitch. He kept talking to her about ducks though.  He once tried to show her his house, but he just took her to an oasis in the middle of desert that was full of ducks.

The Cobalt Soul doesn’t like to spread rumors but they do have theories of Lionel’s Marquesian mallard heritage.

Aes Adan, aka the Meat Man, rise to power coincided with the disappearance of several low to mid level criminals.

A scholar once went to visit Scanlan to interview him to see if the rumors were true that Scanlan had been the Meat Man.  The Scribe returned, unable to remember anything from his visit.  In his notebook were only crude drawings of ducks.  Scanlan still using that Modify Memory...

The fucking Cobalt Soul knows that Scanlan sacrificed the 9th level spell he was saving for Vax to stop Vecna from leaving.  It’s history folks.

For the folks out there who love the Briarwoods’ love for each other, some of an excerpt of Delilah’s journal:  “No matter the cost, my love, I will do it.  I care not how many must die, or how grave the sins must be that I commit.  I broke the world once for you, Sylas.  I shall do it again, and again, and again, for you.  For us.  Forever.”

Vecna envied the Raven Queen, as her followers did so not just because they feared her, but because they loved and respected her too.

Vecna threatened the assembled protectors of Vasselheim, saying that it would be the perfect place for ambush, but that’s no fun when there are many less-protected loved ones.  People he threatened include Earthbreaker Groon’s daughter (Desir), Vord’s family, J’mon’s concubines, all of Whitestone and particularly Cassandra.  And Young Velora Vessar, “playing alone in her room.”

The Everlight: Redeemer of All

“Comprehension is the only true measure of dominion.”

Pelor, The Dawnfather: The Primordial Light

“Faith is defined by the darkness we have not conquered.”

Ethrid Brokenbranch AKA Sprigg the Obnoxious gets his own book of history by the Cobalt Soul.  Autobiographical writings were found in the wreckage of his house

The Goddess Ioun: Our Knowing Mistress

“Comprehension is the only true measure of dominion.” (This is the same quote as for the Everlight - idk which one is the error.)

The Raven Queen: The Matron of Ravens

“By my grace, all are rendered equal.”

It is forbidden to study Arkhan the Cruel.

Vox Machina lived out the rest of their days in relative happiness and peace.

Percy’s magnum opus is the Clock Tower of Whitestone - a national treasure of Tal’Dorei.

Vex continued to rule as Baroness for a time after Percy’s passing.  Vex saw her bother’s spirit after the birth of her first child.  She reconciled somewhat with her father and showered Velora with love and blessings.

Kaylie went to school at the Alabaster Lyceum in Emon on Scanlan’s dime.

Pike and Scanlan had a lengthy courtship.

Tary’s book The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Ser Taryon Darrington contained an accurate account of his time with Vox Machina, even if nothing else is accurate.

Grog helped Earthbreaker Groon restore the Temple to the Stormlord while staying Vasselheim, defending his title in the Crucible.

The final, actual words of the book that aren’t a dedication or part of an image:  “And as the story is told: ‘Everyday that raven comes to visit.’” ;’(

There is a stunning four page fold-out page of Percy’s clock tower. I cannot emphasize enough how lovely it is.  The end of it dedicates it to Vex and is quoted with, “I couldn’t have asked for a better dream.”

On the other side of the fold-out are some... sketches of Percy’s notes? It seems that Diplomacy is now powered up by Cabal’s Ruin.

 As part of “Cobalt Souls” thank you page: “Within a book, a story can only sleep. It requires a reader to give it life.”

[thrufiyah]

Midnight Sept 28 2021 12:30am

Midnight thoughts

Finally got babygirl to go to sleep hopefully she’ll stay asleep. Homeboy over here dont even know I got up or that I’m sitting up typing rn ha smh. Anyway... honestly... lately been feeling lonely but with support if that makes sense...

Lots of paperwork here to fill out reg benefits, insurance, etc but it’s working out gradually. might be able to get a cabin soon for my own lil fam so we’ll see how that works out and we plan to move next year so we’ll see how that works out too... 

kinda leaning towards going our own way bc its a lotta hands involved and the left doesn’t always know what the right is doing or diff views on everything kinda confusing rn but itll work out

def an adjustment period. but just kinda feel lonely bc not rly anyone to talk to about honest thoughts? honestly? sometimes doubting... but excited in planning? now that were officially getting our own room to fill up w our own stuff is kinda sorta cool but not sure how it will go when the weather is bad

just gonna just keep typing as i go until i get rudely interrupted. lol

kinda bummed that i won’t be able to do this once lo arrives bc thatll be two bebes to constantly watch and never have time for myself

i always told myself not to have kids until i was financially stable and i broke the one promise to myself...... the one thing i didn’t want for my life..... but GOD you make a way when there’s no way

what else... worried about bebe growing if she’s ok normal all parts eating enough growing enough just idk.. always gonna be wondering... 

ill even be wondering when both kids grow up and things will come up like disabilities along the way and that scares me. not in the fact that i can’t handle it but how their life will be as they grow up

just hoping they have everything that they need and grow up happy and feel loved all the time and able to express themselves....

my patience does run thin these days but maybe its my hormones? but again maybe not lol haha

wow everytime i come back here i feel different and im always at a different stage in my life. 

missing my family in the way of how they remind me of who i am and where i came from they say ive grown up and that im independent but idk how much of that is really true

what else... dont rly talk to anyone much either... if anything it’s hb’s mom and then hb and even that isn’t much

daylight savings time is diff - sun didn’t go down until 7pm-8pm and it felt different. finally found my favorite grocery store that gives me a little piece of home and got to see a new side of town with the shops near the mall.. that was exciting lol

it’s really such a trip how much of a stop life is at the moment rn but i guess its a way to tell me we got to slow down hashtag cashaley haha

teddyswims and allenstone were dope on that yt video though lol

i oughta listen to more music to mellow out! haha. DEF need my own headphones or earpods... which HB didn’t give away my freakin mpower flames... lol. but headphones be hurting my ears but also i be needing them sometimes to chill or watch a movie

idk what the future holds but im holding on jesus lol im holding on....

hmm what else. lately ive been WAY TOO addicted to chocolate... and hmm what else... i need a journal just for notes like shopping lists, to do lists... etc.

glad im back in the tumblr and pinterest world lol. but pinterest to me seem like fleeting dreams and a whole lotta money mama does NOT have haha

hoping my work visa comes in soon so that i can apply for the residency one in december as soon as baby is born lol. 

i can’t believe i dont remember if i bled a lot or not after giving birth last year... but last year was such a year of turmoil trials and tribulations... so to me i get it.. but yeah anyway

it’s weird... i feelike im here and not here.. maybe bc of lockdown and now in level 3 but a lot of empty dreams happening! but goals are def being met and worked on and completed so i can’t complain about that

i get worried everyday if bebe in there is still kicking so many horrifying and sad stories around the world its just no way to protect your kids idek

as far as self care... i was kind of doing it but at least im cleaning more and helping around the house more? i just hope im not slacking where it’s most important

what else.... hm.... what else is on my mind tonight. body be SORE LIKE A MF. from having to be a 25/8 366 day arm pillow, having huge ass legs to lay on my side, damn i miss my side lmao, to having to share a freakin blanket lmao.

idk just a lot going on and not rly any outlet to do. this mf still aint notice im sitting here lol anyway

what else is on my mind.... for some reason i really wanna find more haircare stuff lol. i need pa’us lol and rubberbands, scrunchies, bins, what else... idek but i need it alll please and thank you lol

babygirl is kod rn so cute but baby just dont move sleep peacefully by yourself for now haha

anyway we’ll find out this week if we’re gonna move to the next chapter and hopefully nana approves of our new plan idek

what else... i swear i clean up and two seconds later its a mess again in here

trying not to be too paranoid about stuff in here but it gets to me when they all start to puss ugh yuck fkn gross man but well get by maybe the nzbugs aint used to american fat skin haha

fitness is something im def looking forward to out here... kinda need to go for walks more often whether its just down the street or the small park nearby which here is called the bush lol

dont even get me startttttted on vocabulary... lets see what ive learned so far here...

bush / wop wops - foresty tree area, gumboots - rainboots, jumper - jacket or longsleeve? dairy/superette - small convenience store not connected to a gas station, what else... rubbish - trash... idek cant think of anything else... oh chocolate is specifically chocolate and lollies are gummies and others i guess... newspaper rolling for all food leftover or compost i guess... idk thats all i can think of for now

what else..... that was GROSS bruh. haha tay said don’t lose your venacular... lol. maybe if i keep listening to throwbacks that remind me of home...

ok i feel better i guess now that i wrote down some thoughts gonna try to put these clothes away and then get some rest for tomorrow

kbye!